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Orange Meanie: You guys know what this represents? Maybe it's the calm before the storm. Fictional Reporter: What storm? Orange Meanie: We have the world's great military people in this room. Fictional Reporter: What storm? A military storm? what?! Orange Meanie: You'll find out. Fictional Reporter: WHAT THE FUCK?! You realize you're not a goddamn game show host or a friggin' Bond villain, right? This isn't bullshit or fiction and when you say unstable crap like this you're putting people in danger. YOU FUCKING MALIGNANT NARCISSIST.

NEW COMIC TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AND WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

The cliche at times like this—when the fucking Asshole-in-Chief says off the cuff shit like "It could be, the calm, the calm before the storm"—the cliche is you're supposed to go hug your kids. Have you tried to hug kids like that? It doesn't work. They get all squirmy and try to get away and you can't explain to them, I love you guys, and we're all about to die in a nuclear inferno, and that, let me tell you, is the best option.

I was never a fan of Obama and I sure as shit thought George W. Bush was a dangerous fuckwit and I'm fairly sure they're both war criminals but at least you knew they didn't want to kill everyone, they at least believed in some twisted, evil idea of America, and as horrible as they could be they really wanted the world to be somewhat stable.

But this fucking guy, this fucking guy gets his kicks scaring the crap out of the world. "Tune in tomorrow," he seems to be saying, "to see if we're all still here. The ratings will be YUGE."

[Editor's Note: I missed last Tuesday. Very sorry about that. I was overcome by despair what with el Pendejo's performance in Puerto Rico and the whole Las Vegas thing I can't even name.]