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American Flag: Hey people! You've heard about the assassination of right-wing asshole Charlie Kirk and you probably have questions about flying flags at half staff for him! Here are some new guidelines for patriotic Americans! American Flag: You should fly the flag at two-thirds staff when a duly designated agent of the state is struck by a thrown sandwich! American Flag: You'll want to raise the flag to one-thirds staff when anyone has the temerity to ask about the murder of unarmed civilians in international waters! American Flag: And when any court in the world suggests you're not supposed to do what you want, you should wear the flag as a diaper! American Flag: Hope this helps!

NEW COMIC TWO OR THREE TIMES A WEEK, OR WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

By now even people living very purposely under rocks have heard about the assassination of Charlie Kirk. I'm going to state right up front that no one deserves what happened to him. It's absolutely horrific. I one hundred percent would have been behind taking away all his media access and making him live under a highway overpass for the rest of his life, but he certainly didn't deserve to die, especially not the way he did.

Nevertheless, the guy doesn't deserve the full governmental tongue bath he's getting. Lowering the flags to half staff? (Don't say half mast unless you want a lecture from the nearest Flag Code nerd.) Especially when actual elected officials have been gunned down because of their political beliefs with barely a peep from the White House.