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Sheep: It's been a busy few days in Trump Land. Goat: Trump's administration has been busier than a one-armed pussy grabber in a Miss U.S.A. dressing room. Sheep: Trump signed a one hundred ten billion dollar arms deal with Saudi Arabia. Goat: Right after which the Saudis promised a hundred million to Ivanka's foundation. Sheep: Melania and Ivanka didn't wear headscarves while in Saudi Arabia. Goat: While Trump excoriated Michelle Obama for doing the same. Sheep: Trump praised Philippines leader Duterte, who is straight up murdering his citizens. Goat: Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross waxed rhapsodic about political repression in Saudi Arabia. Sheep: And Donald did a sword dance and posed with a glowing globe. Goat: Which...what the fuck? Honestly, I'm done.

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Let's take these one at a time: Trump's been known to creep around beauty pageant dressing rooms; Trump signed one of the largest arms deals in history to sell military hardware to Saudi Arabia (you might recall he used to claim that the Saudi government supported terrorism—specifically the September 11th hijackers); Melania and Ivanka did not wear headcoverings while in Saudi Arabia, which isn't a big deal (or insulting to anyone) except that Trump viciously criticized Michelle Obama for doing exactly that; Trump really did tell murderous crazyperson Rodrigo Duterte he's doing an "unbelievable job on the drug problem"; 9,000-year-old bazillionaire asshole Wilbur Ross did muse at how there were no anti-Trump protesters in a country where protesting is punishable by death; Trump really did do a sword dance (or anyway a sword bop); and then there was THE ORB, which single-handedly accounted for 97 percent of Twitter traffic nanoseconds after the photo surfaced.

It's a little disingenuous to pick on Trump for the latter two items since U.S. Presidents do silly photo-op stuff like that all the time (my son loves to have President Obama read Where the Wild Things Are to him via YouTube). The main thing is that, when Trump does this stuff, it seems singularly weird and hypocritical, because he's always been so dignified, ha, no, that's not it, it's just he's always been such an asshole about other politicians doing that kind of thing, you'd expect Trump to turn it all down in favor of sitting at home in his bathrobe watching his pee tape repeatedly. Seeing Trump attempt to act like a cheerful representative of his nation is like seeing Ed Gein on a PETA billboard.