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Rabbit: Well, Dems caved on the shutdown. Rabbit: But wait, what if it's actually good strategy? Rabbit: I'll bite. Explain. Rabbit: The House of Representatives has been out of office for weeks. If they keep it shut now the G.O.P. must accept blame for the shutdown. But if they open it, boom, the votes are there to release the Epstein Files. Rabbit: Are the Epstein Files the new Jack Smith, who was the new Robert Mueller, who was the new Merrick Garland? Rabbit: It's gonna work this time, I'm sure of it!

NEW COMIC TWO OR THREE TIMES A WEEK, OR WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

Lowly Democratic voters keep hoping something magical will happen to get our elected officials' asses in gear, but we keep being disappointed. Robert Mueller decides the guidelines are more important than, like, actual justice. Merrick Garland is stuck stepping on his own dick over and over, sorry not sorry. And Jack Smith, who really looked like the kind of hardass who could get shit done, came in so late the defensive fortifications had all been built. For months now all hope has been pinned on the Epstein Files, to the extent that even Democratic elected officials seem to have decided they can't do anything but hammer on them. Apparently Democrats can't shit all by themselves; they need some number of Republicans to defect and so the future hinges on something so insanely horrible coming out that a scant few GOP votes finally peel off.

It should be pretty clear by now that that ain't gonna happen. In fact I wouldn't be surprised to find that Republicans have been secretly "leaking" factoids about the Epstein Files -- they're even worse than you can imagine! -- so when they finally are revealed, they're bound to be underwhelming. Epstein won't save us any more than Mueller, Garland, or Smith.

Only one thing has any hope of saving the United States now, and that's political courage. Sadly, it's in short supply among Democrats in power.