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Sheep: My plan for 2017 is to straight up lie more. It works like a motherfucker for Trump. Goat: You can say you saved a thousand jobs at carrier Corp even though you didn't save shit! Sheep: I'm gonna fucking lie about everything. I'm a billionaire. I never raped that person. I'm pretty and everyone loves me. Goat: You can say that Sprint is going to add five thousand jobs just because you're the new President! And the assholes at Sprint will back you up hoping for favors from your administration later! Sheep: I'm not a kleptocrat. I deserve to be rich and powerful. I'm not a motherfucking evil asshole. Goat: Since Congress just shut down its Office of Congressional Ethics I guess you don't have to worry about ever being called on your bullshit.

NEW COMIC TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AND WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

It's becoming almost impossible to keep up with the sheer volume of bullshit pouring down from the volcano of agricultural feces that is Donald Trump. Jon Stewart famously called Fox News "Bullshit Mountain" but I don't think he could foresee what would happen when it started raining—a real Travis Bickle rain—and Bullshit Mountain started sliding down on us, a vast tidal wave of excrement. One scandal follows after another before anyone can even finish reporting on the last one, and then there's some craziness, and another scandal, on top of one more jaw-dropping revelation, as we forget last week's stupidity or cupidity in pure self-preservation. Yeah, Rorschach's drains are finally scabbing over and we're all going to drown.

Way back in the beginning of December Trump claimed he had made a deal to keep 1,100 jobs at a Carrier plant in Indiana instead of the company's moving them to Mexico. It's complete bullshit but what's really crazy about the whole thing is no one can really say for sure it's complete bullshit because the details are staying secret until the whole thing is finalized and by then no one will remember anything except what they want to remember: You and I will remember that Trump is full of shit and his fans-cum-apologists-cum-lickspittles will remember that HE SAVED JOBS YOU SNOWFLAKE and everyone will be poorer.

At least that bullshit had ballsy union leader Chuck Jones to stand up to it. The Sprint deal, with Trump's claiming the telecom just happily decided to "bring back" 5,000 jobs to the U.S. after, I don't know, selling them to date farmers in Borneo or something, is even worse bullshit, because the assholes at Sprint are going along with Trump's bullshit, refusing even to admit at first that Trump had nothing whatsoever to do with these jobs, since they're part of some investment crap the company announced months and months ago. It makes sense that Sprint's executives and spokescreatures would go along with this but it doesn't make it less bullshit.

And up to the minute breaking news: The House of Republicans met in secret to murder the Office of Congressional Ethics because, obviously, even that pathetically weak oversight of government-enabled bullshit was too much for the craven Gríma Wormtongues in Congress.

Even more up to the minute: House Republicans backed off on killing the OCE...for now.