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Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah recyused mahself from any investigation into the campayn feh presidint. Ah did not recyuse mahself from defeYndin mah ahnaw agayns scurrilous and false allegayshens. Senator: Well, then, Mr. Moldy Cracker, did you meet with any Russians? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Did Paul Manafort? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Steve Bannon? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: General Michael Flynn? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Reince Priebus? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Steve Miller? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Corey Lewandowski? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Ferris Bueller? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Ah don't recawl. Senator: Are you going to answer any questions at all? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Nope. Senator: Is there any legal basis for your refusal to answer our questions? Attorney General Moldy Cracker: Why Sure, sugah. Meum gluteus maximus osculandum.

NEW COMIC TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AND WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

Attorney General Moldy Cracker Sessions testified in front of the [oxymoron alert] Senate Intelligence Committee and it was the typical political Rorschach blot: Right-wing assholes think Sessions brilliantly dismantled the libtards with his honorable genius while left-wingers and normal-thinking humans were pretty sure Sessions made the entire species look pretty fucking stupid.

I think the main takeaway from this and other legal appearances recently—NSA Director Mike Rogers, Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats, and acting FBI director Andrew McCabe—is that these guys can all simply refuse to answer questions without any legal basis for doing so and no one will try to stop them. There are zero consequences for these assholes—they are literally refusing legal orders from the highest authority in the country. They answer to no one.

There's a Keebler orc* running the entire Department of Justice and he's answerable to nobody.

* He's not an elf or a hobbit because elves and hobbits are manifestly good creatures. Jefferson Beauregard Moldy Cracker Sessions contains no good. He is therefore obviously a creation of Melkor.