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Fisher: I think it's fucking awesome that Trump is going to be President just as the office has the most power it's ever had. The Obama administration has redefined due process as secret deliberations in the executive branch! Raccoon: Thanks, Obama! Fisher: Obama's approved the assassination of American citizens and their teenage children. He's overseen the expansion of domestic surveillance on an unimaginable scale. And he's prosecuted twice as many government whistleblowers as all other administrations combined! Raccoon: WE'RE NUMBER ONE! Fisher: I can't wait to see what a guy who gets angry at Broadway musicals and Megyn Motherfucking Kelly will do with all that power! Raccoon: I've got a most totalitarian government boner! thanks a fucking bazillion, Obama!

NEW COMIC TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AND WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

People think this is sheer tinfoil hat bullshit—and tend to block you immediately on Twitter if you mention it—I'm looking at you, @JackTodd46—but fucking Obama did all this stuff. His Department of Justice, under major jackhole Eric Holder, wrote up a secret memo redefining "due process", which we peons cannot, of course, peruse, but which we can glimpse through a white paper. They decided—unilaterally, of course—that the Constitutional requirement for due process "could be satisfied by internal deliberations in the executive branch."

Sounds like more democracy than you can handle!

Obama has already used that power to assassinate American citizens and their teenage children. Anwar al-Awlaki, who was born in motherfucking New Mexico, was droned to smithereens on Obama's orders, and two weeks later his son—who had never done anything anti-American that anyone can find—was also blown up by a United States drone. The standard dickhead response to this is to say that Awlaki preached violence against the United States government, so he deserved to die. The fact that so many American citizens are willing to set fire to the fucking Bill of Rights just because their own government said they should not like one guy is one of the more digusting things I've personally come across.

As for Obama and the government whistleblowers, let's note that one whistleblower ran off to the fucking Russians to be safe and another one was captured and tortured.

Land of the Free, everybody.

If all of that is too far in the past and too theoretical for you, consider what's happening out in North Dakota as I write this. The militarized police force is kicking the crap out of protesters while the feds are jamming the internet and hacking their personal accounts. So much for the hallowed tradition of public protest in America. Oh, fuck, take all our rights, we weren't using them anyhow. When the Army starts quartering soldiers in your house, it'll be too late.