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Sheep: American elections are evidently so one-sided that the two times in modern history we needed a recount, we couldn't get a decent one. Goat: Nothing says DEMOCRACY like thousands of votes in Michigan which cannot be recounted by Michigan state law due to problems with antique voting machines and record-keeping discrepancies. Sheep: It probably doesn't help that Trump had teams of lawyers and volunteers rule-spamming the proceedings to make them as difficult as possible. Goatt: Lest we forget, in 2000 the Republicans underwrote the Brooks Brothers Riot to disrupt the recount in Florida. Sheep: Land of the free, home of the brave, and, whoopsie, we forgot how to conduct an election. Sorry, everyone! Goat: We're the leader of the free world but, our bad, we can't manage the integrity of the vote. We know you were counting on us!

NEW COMIC TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS AND WHEN THE MOOD STRIKES

This election was so fucked that it highlighted just how fucked our physical vote-counting infrastructure really is. America: Roads are shit, bridges are collapsing, airports are the envy of no one, and we can't even get decent voting machines. We're so awesome. We're so busy exporting our democracy to Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Yemen, and Libya that we've run clean out at home!

Michigan has laws on the books requiring that certain record-keeping tallies match or the votes cannot be recounted. This makes sense if you want to combat after-vote tampering but is ridiculous as a bulwark against election totals which are screwed at the start. You'll note the problems with keeping the votes straight are in Democratic-majority districts, too. The fucking Republicans vote on gold tablets and shit. If we can't keep you people of color from voting, we can make sure your votes don't count!

As for the Brooks Brothers Riot, it doesn't sound like something that would happen in the U.S., but of course it happened in Florida, because that's where we keep most of our fucked-up shit. Why not astroturf up a protest to fuck up democracy? It's not like we were using it anyway.

You don't really need to pull anything that egregious, though, if you can get teams of lawyers to go in and make sure every possible objection is made at every step of the process. It's not as if your opponents can outspend you! And while you're doing that, make sure one of our idiot judges shuts the whole thing down for the stupidest possible reason.

Why the Democrats can't be arsed to fight this I cannot imagine but I guess it won't matter soon enough when Trump suspends elections entirely.